As we continue to grapple with the war in Ukraine and the madness of this current moment, our kids are experiencing their own fears and concerns—many of which they might not even be able to articulate at this point.

So while it’s absolutely normal for any child to feel anxious, sad, or confused right now, it affects some kids more deeply than others—including children with trauma history.

Specifically, kids who have experienced trauma often struggle to feel safe. So you can imagine how something like war would intensify their concerns about safety.

Bottom line: It’s time to talk to our kids about this war if we haven’t already.

How do we talk to our kids about war?

Unfortunately, there’s no script, but here are 5 quick things to consider—

1. We ask questions.

You already know that asking questions is a good parenting strategy, and asking questions about this war in Ukraine is no exception.

It’s good to use questions to figure out what our kids already know. Specifically, questions enable us to learn what false information our children may believe about what’s happening.

Also when our kids ask questions, we need to consider them carefully. Often, pain or insecurity works itself out in the form of questions. And what our kids really want to know may lurk just beneath the surface of what they actually ask.

This is a chance to stop and listen to the signals and respond to what our kids need.

2. We stay calm.

Note: Calm is not the same as detached. Emotional detachment is not a superpower.

But we need to remember that our kids sense as much as (or more than) they hear. And if they sense we’re afraid, they will respond with fear.

Even when we’re talking to other adults, our kids are listening. And often when we—as adults—discuss politics, we get animated, don’t we?

But especially our kids for whom English is a second language or for those who don’t understand exaggerating to make a point, what we say will be taken literally.

For their sake, we need to be calm.

3. We limit the news.

Specifically, we’ve got to limit the tsunami of noise—for our kids and for ourselves.

Sometimes the healthiest thing we can do is turn off the TV.

I’m not suggesting we live like political ostriches. But I do believe the 24/7 news cycle can inadvertently become an unnecessary assault on our senses, especially for kids who process things differently.

One quick note about the news: The pictures are graphic. You know this. I find myself looking away on a regular basis. So it’s going to be even harder for our kids to process images of wounded children and bombed-out buildings.

They don’t need to see it all to understand what’s happening.

4. We point out the heroes.

Where there is devastation, there are heroes.

There are thousands of heroic men and women in Ukraine who have spent the past three weeks boldly defending their country.

Medical personnel have stayed behind to care for the sick and wounded.
Humanitarian workers have delivered food, water, and medicine.
Drivers have unflinchingly driven in and out of the country to get citizens to safety.
Pastors and missionaries have stayed to share Gospel hope.

And this is just scratching the surface.

5. We trust God.

I have no right to anxiously curate my life around the worst what-ifs while simultaneously telling my children to trust God. My kids are way too smart for that—they’ll see right through my hypocrisy.

So I’m reminded of Luke 12:25—

And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?

Honestly, I don’t like that verse. I prefer to believe my anxiety is profitable—that my worrying accomplishes good things. But all my worrying really does is wage a war on my heart’s confidence that God is good.

And so I have no choice but to trust. And I recognize that peace is actually just the calm that comes from believing that God is enough.

Final thoughts about war

We live in a brutal world, but here are two unchanging realities: Life is tragic and God is faithful.

This is true for the children in Ukraine.
This is also true for our kids who are dealing with the difficult parts of their own story. God is absolutely committed to redeeming all things.

So it’s good (even if painful) for our children to understand that God is good and perfect even when our lives are not. God is not just good when our world is at peace—He’s always good because He’s always God.

And so, even without easy answers about this war, we trust that the same God Who created the world and holds the planets in place also holds our kids in the palm of His hand.

And there’s no better place for them to be.